Singapore succeeds at managing everything - except dating

By Seth Mydans Published: April 29, 2008

Students at Singapore Polytechnic during a class intended by the government to help set off romance among young people. (Charles Pertwee for The International Herald Tribune)

SINGAPORE: It was like a college mixer, a classroom full of young men and women seeking a recipe for romance.
They had assembled for the first class of "Love Relations for Life: A Journey of Romance, Love and Sexuality."
There was giggling and banter among the students, but that was all part of the course material as their teacher, Suki Tong, led them into the basics of dating, falling in love and staying together.

The course, which is in its second year at two polytechnic institutes, is the latest of many, mostly futile, campaigns by the government to get its citizens to mate and multiply. Its popularity last year has led to talk of expansion through the higher education system.

"We want to tell students: Don't wait until you have built up your career," Yu-Foo Yee Shoon, minister of state for community development, youth and sports, said at a news conference last month. "Sometimes, it is too late, especially for girls."

The courses are an extension of government matchmaking programs that try to address the twin challenges embodied in a falling birthrate: Too few people are having babies and too few of those who are belong to what Singapore considers the genetically desirable educated elite.

For 25 years, the mating rituals organized by the government - tea dances, wine tasting, cooking classes, cruises, screenings of romantic movies - have been among the country's least-successful social engineering programs.
Last year Singapore's fertility rate fell to a record low of 1.24 children per woman of childbearing age, one of the lowest in the world and the 28th year in a row it has stayed below the rate of 2.5 children needed to maintain the population.

But even a replacement-level rate would not be enough for today's planners. The government recently announced that it was aiming to increase the population by 40 percent over the next half century, to 6.5 million from the current 4.5 million.

"Teaching our youth in school how to fall in love" is a good solution, wrote Andy Ho, a senior writer at The Straits Times, a government-friendly newspaper that does its best to help out in Singapore's many campaigns.
In 1991, for example, when the government began offering cash bonuses to couples with more than two children, the newspaper printed tips for having sex in the back seat of a car, including directions to some of the "darkest, most secluded and most romantic spots" for parking.

It suggested covering the windows with newspapers for privacy.

Singapore is a topiary nation, constantly trimming and pruning itself into shapes that it believes improve on nature.
As the modern world weakens traditional family ties, for example, families are given financial incentives to care for their elderly parents - or taken to court for neglecting them.

Singapore is known for its campaigns to get residents to be polite, to smile, to be tidy, to speak proper English and not to chew gum.

In 1984, the country's master planner, then-Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew, declared that too few of the country's most eligible women - the ones with college degrees - were marrying and having children.

He set up the Social Development Unit to address the problem and since then the government has been Singapore's principal matchmaker.

In addition to its tea dances and moonlight cruises, the agency also acts as a lonely hearts adviser, with an online counselor named Dr. Love and a menu of boy-meets-girl suggestions on its Web site, www.lovebyte.org.sg.
"Guys, girls notice everything!" the Web site offers in one of its dating tips. "Comb your hair differently and they notice. Change your watch and they notice! Skipped your morning shower and sprayed on deodorant to cover the smell - they notice! What does this mean? Well, bathe regularly, change something about yourself, be observant and compliment the lady."

Lee himself acknowledged how silly some of this may seem.

"Never mind the hullabaloo in the press - all the foreign correspondents writing that a crackpot government is trying to interfere in people's lives," he said when he inaugurated the Social Development Unit.

"If we continue to reproduce ourselves in this lopsided way we will be unable to maintain our present standards," he said.

In other words, said Annie Chan, director of a matchmaking agency, "Our government wants smart ladies to meet smart guys to get smart children."

But in Singapore it is impossible to get very far from thoughts of money and the workplace. These guys may have other things on their minds besides romance and babies.

Cheerleaders cause controversy in India

25/04/2008 11:36:00 AM.

Cheerleaders are taking Indian cricket by storm, but some are wondering if this conservative South Asian nation is ready for dancers with bulging breasts and gyrating bellies parading in packed stadia.

Many foreign cheerleaders have been imported to India with this month's inauguration of the India Premier League (IPL), a shortened form of traditional cricket that transforms the game into a more glitzy US-style sponsored sport event.

But some outraged politicians say it is an affront to Indian culture while a few of the cheerleaders themselves complain lewd comments and insults from spectators is making their job a misery.

"It's been horrendous," Tabitha, a cheerleader from Uzbekistan, told the Hindustan Times. "

"Wherever we go we do expect people to pass lewd, snide remarks but I'm shocked by the nature and magnitude of the comments people pass here."

The IPL has caught the imagination of India, a nation of 1.1 billion and the world's biggest cricket audience. TV rights sold for more than $US900 million ($A949.57 million) and players for eight teams, many imported from abroad, were auctioned for millions.

In contrast to the cliched cricket image of genteel spectators sipping tea while politely applauding their team, now scantily-clad dancers gyrate to Bollywood or Western-style dance music blaring out from loudspeakers in stadia.

Even well-known cheerleaders from the Washington Redskins flew to India to perform for the Bangalore Royal Challengers. Photos of the dancers graced the front pages of most newspapers.

"What the cheerleaders are doing during cricket matches is ten times more vulgar than what used to happen in dance bars of Mumbai," Nitin Gadkari, leader of the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) in Maharashtra state, home to the Mumbai Indians.

This news shows how things that are copied blindly from the west and imposed upon India can harm us tremendously

Experts for chary planning in future

By Mohlt Shanna

In New Deihl

BUS Rapid Transit (BRT) experts reckon that before going ahead on the remain­ing corridors, the authori­ties here should conduct an independent review of the Ambedkar Nagar-Moolc­hand stretch that has made for nothing short of a bumpy ride for commuters.

An international engineer, the experts say, should be hired for the remaining stretches instead of letting rookie local officials call the shots.

According to government sources, the BRT officials must -have realised by now that "blindly copying" any interna­tional model, specifically in a country like India where traffic behaviour is different, will not work. For the remaining stret­ches, the Delhi government should again review all condi­tions - weather, people, roads and nature of traffic before going ahead with it.

"The officials should also keep in mind that bus stops on the side of the roads usu­ally suit Indian cities. If they plan accordingly, they can avoid the mayhem that is plaguing the existing stretch," the sources said.

S. Gangopadhyaya, head of the transport wing, Central Road Research Institute (CRRI) said, "I cannot com­ment on projects that are in the pipeline as I have not seen the designs. Generally speaking, the BRT is a good concept. What we have to see is the correct appli­cability of the system according to the Indian situation."

Quizzed on ongoing works on proposed stretches, transport commissioner-cum-secretary R.K. Verma said, "It's too early to comment. We are examining every possibility and working on controversial issues and areas."

Urban designer K. T. Ravin­dran said, "Though there are lacunae in the management on this first stretch, awareness among the masses to adapt to public transport systems is a must. The solution to the traf­fic congestion problem is to shift more and more people to public transports by de-moti­vating them to use their own personal vehicles to commute."

mohit.sharma@mailtoday.in

scaring parents off with 'gay' fear to make way for heterosexualisation

Of course, this whole scaring parents off from stopping their kids from dating, lest they turn 'gay' is a 'trend' can be seen from the fact that nowadays they are playing an advertisement on TV that shows a worried parent allowing their daughter to go on dating with a nepalese guy, because, she pretends to be a lesbian, and they're just happy that she's at least not lesbian.

It's pathetic. The same people who talk about sexual freedom, suddenly talk about suppressing man-to-man sexuality, as a noble deed, and blatantly espouse working to stop its progression. while, on one hand it castigates the society and parents for not being accepting towards casual male-female sex, of all hues and cries, at the same time, it goes all out, even putting words into their mouth, to prod them into stopping their children from getting into same-sex bonds.

Are Indian parents becoming open to Dating by their sons/ daughters?

It's really amazing how the forces of heterosexualisation which day and night rant about sexual freedom for man and woman, do everything in their hand to deny this freedom to relationships between two men.

But, it is a fact that if you open up the society, men are going to take up to sexual bonds with other men in a big way. But the forces of heterosexualisation don't want that. And since there already exists a traditional public opinion against man-man sexual bonds and it is considered o.k. to rant against and deny freedom to man-man bonds (which in the past, in all fairness, also applied to male-female sex outside of marriage or its public display) the media gets away with it.

So, this article about parents getting accepting about their sons and daughters dating, which seeks to misinforms the public in order to change public opinion, also goes on to instill a fear amongst parents who may be tempted to turn up their nose upon this permisiveness, and that is: If your son or daughter is not dating, he/ she is likely to be 'gay', which means he/ she won't marry...... it is thus trying to play upon the conservative need of Indian parents to get their children married off. They are generating a fear amongst the public: either let your children date or they'd end up 'gay'. This is hypocrisy and oppression at its worst. And carried on by people who swear by the words "freedom" and "women rights".

So, with the power institutions like the media and science, actively involved in changing public mores in this way, who will care about men and their liberty.

INDIAN PARENTS GETTING OPEN ABOUT THEIR CHILDREN DATING?

Today's Brunch (the daily mag section of Hindustan Times in Delhi) has a cover story which boldly says, "Not so long ago, it was impossible for young people to admite to their parents that they had a girlfriend or boyfriend. Today, parents in big cities get nervous if their children aren't dating".

This is known as engineering public opinion towards a set of values, even without any ground, and is in real bad taste.

The article has a big set-up picture of an aged couple and a young couple hand in hand (the first couple are parents and the other their son/ daughter with date. It sites unbelievable anecdotes about conservative parents suddenly turning liberal about their daughters dating within a span of five years. They are just as set-up as the pictures. So much for misleading public and forcing a change in values.

I am a social worker and a keen observer of society, and all around me, I see young people trying to hide their relationships not only from parents, but also from colleagues, neighbours and what not -- although there is more openness between peers. And, I live in a big city, Delhi.

The funny part is, that, inspite of all the brouhaha and social engineering indulged in by the media and other forces of heterosexualisation, in my hep office (which is a publication taking out several English publications in a month) there are several young boys and girls. But only one pair of boy and girl have a relationship with each other, and its extremely candid. They don't even share it with peers, but we know that there's something on. Another boy has a started a relatioship with a girl he meets on the bus daily, and chats with on orkut, but only I and a girl have the honour to know it in my office. The others just don't know.

So, who are all these parents worried about their children not going on dates? Apart from a few over-westernised couples, over eager to prove their 'sophistication' and 'status' in the society?

THE MEDIA SUPPORTS SEXUALLY AGGRESSIVE ABUSIVE WOMEN

ON APRIL 13, 2008, there is another news which shows that the media is unmindfully supportive of sexually aggressive and abusive women, by camouflaging their misdeeds under the traditional "innocent" image of women, and exhorting to the traditional protective instincts of the society towards this "innocent" image.

A sales girl spoke rudely to a girl on phone who wanted to get a certain video CD home delivered. when the girl went up to the store, she was slapped and manhandled there by the sales girl. Upon this the girl called her father, a senior citizen (65 yrs old). An altercation followed, and the sales girl grabbed a knife and stabbed the aged man, injuring him seriously.

The sales girl, true to the ways of such girls, accused the man and the girl of having slapped her and tore her clothes and "threatened to strip her naked and parade her", and that she stabbed the man in self-defense.

It is unimaginable for a brother, sister and father trio in Delhi to go and threaten a sales girl to strip and parade naked in public.


The TV media took the side of the salesgirl and reported the matter as if she was assaulted and she acted in self-defense. Again, one look at her, and her body movement, and you know that she is no "damsel in distress". The forces of heterosexualisation are giving extreme powers and dangerous protection to such abusive women.

The newspaper news, which at least presents both the perspectives is here:

http://www.hindustantimes.com/storypage/storypage.aspx?id=ee36a048-76e9-4c1a-a02a-d8d0b87e4491&MatchID1=4680&TeamID1=6&TeamID2=3&MatchType1=1&SeriesID1=1179&PrimaryID=4680&Headline=They+slapped+me+and+tore+my+clothes%3a+Salesgirl

MEDIA PROMOTES SEXUALLY AGGRESSIVE AND EXPLOITATIVE WOMEN

On 11th April, 2008, news channels showed the story of how a "victim of rape" was beaten by chappals by female neighbours in east Delhi's Mandawali area. The media was crying foul and totally supported the woman. It was yet another moment for the powerful forces of heterosexualisation to advance itself in the name of "heterosexualisation".

Noone care to ask why the female neighbourers "enmob" were beating an "innocent woman". Are Indians unsympathetic to victims of rape? At one time, the society considered it better to keep such things under wraps, but more for the woman and her honour (something westerners will never understand), than for saving the man. If so many women were against a woman, who was playing a "victim of rape", there must be more to it.

In fact, as far as I can tell, the woman looked and behaved quite like one who would not only use men sexually but would use her position as a woman to exploit men. there have been thousands of such cases all over India, eversince the society has been forced by the media to give such powers to women. She was the typical Heterosexual woman that the media wants to promote -- the sexually aggressive, dominant kind. And they make the man absolutely helpless to defend himself against anykind of exploitation at the hands of these women -- whether its sexual exploitation or false cases of sexual exploitation.

Why was the media not highlighting what the neighbours were saying -- that she was a 'bad character' woman and that she had lodged a false complaint against her landlord. Why did the media choose to stick to one woman's account over scores of others?

The woman claimed to be attacked with knives, but then women like her will put just any blame. The police themselves said that she was in an inebriated state. What kind of an 'innocent' girl lives alone in a lower-middle class locality and drinks alcohol? It is now being enforced by the forces of heterosexualisation upon upper-middle class societies which have been westernised, but not in traditional Indian spaces. A man does all these things too, but then he faces the harsh world out there. If he is beaten by people for coming home drunk, he is not protected by the media. The media will in fact lash out at the man. And, a man does not have the empowerment to complain even if he is genuinely exploited sexually by women. He has to take it all without complaining. If he were to complain, he would only get jeers. How can Western partial notions of 'feminism' be enforced upon Indian cultures without even discussing them first?



I agree, that it is not right to take law into one's own hands. But, what are ordinary, illiterate people to do when they find themselves helpless against oppressive laws, against powerful forces of Westernisation/ heterosexualisation that often hides itself behind distorted ideas of female 'liberty', and a powerful media bent on creating space for the sexually aggressive woman, at all costs, in all circumstances.

The media would have been right to raise the issue of her being beaten, because, all said and done, people have no right to take law into their hands. However, to completely side with her shows that media has unwarranted motives.

Here's the news (the newspaper version is slightly more balanced than the TV news):

http://www.hindustantimes.com/StoryPage/StoryPage.aspx?id=1c689bff-31ee-44a0-91c5-83e4552b63d6&MatchID1=4680&TeamID1=6&TeamID2=3&MatchType1=1&SeriesID1=1179&PrimaryID=4680&Headline=Mob+attacks+rape+victim+in+east+Delhi

Note that the paper assumes that she is a rape victim, even when nothing has been proved, and it is only based on the complaint of the woman, and women have been given absolute powers by the heterosexual society to implicate any man without evidence.